Embracing Conundrums: When Two Things Can Be True at Once

We often hear it said: “You learn more from failure than success.” It’s a comforting phrase, encouraging us to embrace our mistakes and see them as opportunities. But what happens when science tells us something different? A recent study, published in Science Direct and conducted by the University of Arizona (with support from Brown and Princeton), suggests that the optimal rate of failure for learning is 15%. Not too much, not too little—just enough failure to stretch and challenge us without overwhelming us.

At first glance, this makes perfect sense. Yet, in a fascinating twist, another study, reported by the Association for Psychological Sciences, shows that we actually learn more from success than failure. While failure has theoretical benefits, the reality is that human beings tend to persist better when they succeed.

So which is it? Do we learn best from failure or success?

Living in the Grey

This is where things get interesting. The temptation is to pick a side, to argue for one perspective over the other. But what if both are true? What if success and failure work together to shape how we grow and learn?

As a leader and a coach, I’ve learned to embrace these contradictions rather than fight them. Early in my career, I was drawn to the comfort of finding “the answer.” I wanted clarity, simplicity, and definitive truths I could act on. But over time, I’ve discovered that complexity and ambiguity are where the real opportunities lie.

When we sit with conundrums—when we allow conflicting truths to coexist—we open up a world of possibilities. It’s in the grey that innovation happens, and our understanding deepens.

The Science of Contradiction

Let’s unpack these two studies a bit further. The neuroscience behind the 15% failure rule is clear: our brains learn optimally when challenged but not defeated. It’s a sweet spot where mistakes are frequent enough to push us out of our comfort zones but rare enough to avoid discouragement.

And yet, the psychology-based research tells a different story. In practice, humans tend to struggle with failure. We shy away from it because it feels shameful or overwhelming. Success, on the other hand, reinforces our efforts and motivates us to keep going. We persist better when we’re winning.

Here’s what I think: we often get in our own way. We’re so conditioned to avoid failure that we deny ourselves the very experiences that help us learn. If we could embrace failure more willingly—acknowledging it as a necessary part of growth—we’d give our brains the space they need to find that 15% sweet spot.

Fail Faster, Fail Better

This idea of embracing failure has been life-changing for me. Take my recent (and slightly embarrassing) journey into learning to dance. I’m no Fred Astaire—just me and a broom handle, trying to improve my frame and failing almost daily. But I keep going, because the science says that with persistence, I will get better.

The truth is, most of us are highly skilled at avoiding failure. By the time we reach a certain age or level of success, we’ve accumulated plenty of evidence that we don’t need to learn new tricks. But what if we allowed ourselves to fail more? What if we approached failure as an opportunity to experiment, to grow, to see what we’re truly capable of?

The Value of Conundrums

Contradictions like these—do we learn more from failure or success? – are frustrating at first. But I love the complexity they bring. They remind us that human beings are beautifully complicated, and that learning is rarely linear.

Instead of seeking certainty, I encourage leaders and learners to pause with complexity. Let the ambiguity exist. When we allow two opposing truths to sit side by side, we create space for choice and creativity. After all, if more than one thing can be true, then alternatives—however difficult—become possible.

Moving Forward

So, how do we take this forward? Here are a few questions to reflect on:

• Where in your life are you avoiding failure, and how might embracing it help you grow?
• How can you balance the lessons of success and failure in your work or personal development?
• What conundrums are you wrestling with, and how might sitting with the ambiguity open up new possibilities?

The next time you find yourself faced with conflicting ideas, resist the urge to pick a side. Instead, ask yourself: How can both things be true? You might just discover that the grey is where the magic happens!

I’d love to hear your thoughts. Where do you see opportunities to embrace both success and failure in your own learning?

Reference

•       ScienceDirect Study on Optimal Failure Rate for Learning: https://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/2019/11/191105113457.htm