Everyone who coaches knows GROW. Love it (me) or hate it, you can’t deny its simple power. But it gets a bad press sometimes, which is a shame because it’s inventor, Sir John Whitmore will tell you, it was never intended to become a model or mantra. Thus personally I find it a bit annoying that it sometimes seems now to be a guilty pleasure for coaches, or something you have to “prove” you are now above and beyond to be any good…
Well I’m not really buying that. I have a bit of a theory that those of use who were trained to use it as our primary model, probably don’t “use” it consciously that often. But I reckon if you listened to my interactions and conversations and those of the great leaders or coaches I admire, most of the good conversations that get results and leave people feeling motivated, usually have a G,R,O and W in there somewhere.
Many people I’ve helped to learn coaching tell me they think of GROW as a tool for a “proper” coaching conversation. They will sit down, get in the zone and use it when they “remember to put their coaching hat on”. That’s great. Coaching is a simple soul, it’s us that make it complicated. When I teach coaching I talk a lot about the fact that you will do little or no harm and potentially lots of good in the world, if you shut up and listen and use GROW to ask reasonable questions in a linear way.
But how about a way to use GROW in the moment? When the “Goal” is not up for grabs and something just needs to be done, (JFDI moments will always exist in the real world)
I’ve found we can still help ourselves and others to think bigger and better, even if we only have a few moments. Because a few moments means you can ask a few questions. And if you can ask even 2 or 3 questions, you have a chance of raising the bar on whatever it is that happens next. I use GROW in 3 different ways and talk about them as Skip G, WOW and GROW to help others learn. There will be much cleverer people who have way better names. But they are my versions in my head so I’m kind of stuck with them now.
Here’s how the first one – SKIP G goes:
This feels like a more honest and robust way to JFDI. OK in real life often the goal is not up for grabs. But how about the rest? Ever given a direct instruction, to a person who is generally pretty good at their job, made it as clear as crystal, and it’s still not done?…How about a way to get JFDI without the F and that doesn’t rely on you checking or always being there to make sure it got done…
So Skip G and try cutting to the chase and asking some sequential questions about the:
R(eality) “What is really happening here ? Then ask something around..
O(ptions) “So what could you do?” and then something around…
W(hat’s Next)”So what are you going to do and by when ?”
That’s why it’s called Skip G…
That’s it…It is really simple, but I can promise you that it works.
I’ve included an example below in case you want a bit of a laugh (at my expense!) But if you don’t have time to read that, don’t worry. Just try Skip G out today or even better in the next 30 minutes (we all know what will happen to that good intention if you leave it until tomorrow…) and see what happens…
I’m not totally proud of all of the example that follows, but hey this is Skip G in real life, rather than pretend perfect world, where none of us ever put a foot wrong and everyone we coach has never experienced the “magic”of coaching so you look like a genius. You know what – it still works…
Me: So X isn’t done. We both know it needs to be done by tomorrow.
[We just “Skipped G”…Sorry – of course, you got that without my help…]
You: I know, I know but you know how back to back I have been this week. It’s just not possible.
Me: Ok. Let’s cut to the chase.
[Fair enough I may not have said “chase”…]
Me: What is going on with X? I don’t mean the busyness or the resource, I mean, really going on? My hunch is X is never going to get to the top of your list? And given it needs to be at the top, probably before the end of today, can you just be honest so we can talk about why it’s really not getting done and stop pratting about?
[You don’t need to berate me for multiple questions or non-coaching language – I already did loads of that for myself]
You: Honest there is nothing. I’m just really busy
Me:
[Absolutely nothing…I put on “The silence won’t kill me” record and set “repeat” in my head]
You: Honestly, really.
Me:[The silence won’t kill me…the silence won’t kill me]
You: I hate it when you do this.
Me:[The silence really won’t kill me…They don’t hate you…Stay still, stop tapping your foot]
You: Ok, we could be here forever. I don’t want to, alright ? X is boring. I don’t see the point of it. And I don’t see why I should do it, when John is sat there doing next to bugger all and I am really, really busy this week.
Me:
[Phew – thank you God/Neuroscience etc]
So given it needs to be done, you are accountable for getting it done, but I don’t mind how you do it, what are your options ? And being clear, not doing it is not one of the options available to us.
You: Dunno. There aren’t any options.
Me:
[Here we go again…The silence…etc]
You: Why do you do this to me all the time ?
Me: What ? Ask a question and then shut up and let you think?
[I realise I just broke the silence and the “don’t be a smartarse” rules of coaching – told you, no one is perfect and definitely not me…]
You: We both know how this plays out.
[In the longish pause I repeated the silence mantra and totally resist the urge to say “What you come up with some really great ideas to solve your own problem”. I reflect then and after that I am so getting better at the “Don’t say out loud what is on your mind all the time Dulcie” thing…]
You: Ok so I could find a way to make it less boring. I could ask you what the point of doing it is. But there is no point in that because to be fair, you never ask me to do things that don’t really need to be done. Or I could ask John if he minds helping me because actually he likes that sort of shit.
Me: Ok Sounds great. What else ?
[I may imagine the look of “Seriously? We are really doing “what else” as well”…]
You: I did think the other day about asking the new graduate to do it, but I probably left it a bit late to ask them now.
Me: What makes you think they would think it was too late to be asked ?
You: I don’t know actually. They aren’t like me. They seem to like a bit of last minute adrenalin pumping.
Me: So what’s the best plan ?
You: I think I’ll ask the grad, see if they are cool with it being last minute. If not, I might ask John…but to be honest I might just do it quickly myself. Maybe, just thinking about it, with the grad observing so they can do it next time?
Me. Cool
[Think: did that Skip G just work again. Either I’m a genius or this neuroscience/psychology stuff is really brilliant]
You: You are not a genius you know. You just ask me annoying questions that seem to work.
[I could have left that last bit out but it actually happened and made me laugh, I thought it might make you laugh too.]
So go on, give it a go. What do you have to lose ?
There will be some really clever people out there working out why this works, even when it is with a cynic like you (or me !). But don’t worry about that. Just give it a go today and let us know how you got on. It’s take’s a bit of thinking about and the silence bit is hard for some of us. But it’s not bloody rocket science…
How about a way to use the great principles of GROW for a quick conversation in the lift ? (I call that WOW) Or a snatched 5 minutes over a coffee because you and one of your team have been desperately trying to catch up all week because they are off on a course all next week and it’s been one of those weeks? (What, that never happens to you ?! – Log off ! You don’t need this blog, you are way too sorted for us !). I call that GROW to help others learn. So more on those next time…
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